Sophie is graduating from high school next week. I still can’t believe it- how can this be?? And I am starting to realize that becoming an empty nester can go smoothly…or it can go quite badly. I am determined to make the best of it!
Fly away little bird!
Nesting coots, Victoria Park, Belfast – June 2014(1) by Albert Bridge is licensed under CC-BY-SA 2.0
I’ve read all the studies- and becoming an empty nester can be terrific. Parents are generally happier once the kids move out. But I think it’s going to take some deliberate work to get to that steady state. Especially for Dear Husband- he is a tender heart and will need some distraction at time. And lots of time and kisses from Cheddar!
Be mindful during these last days and weeks
Just this morning, I remarked to Dear Husband that today is the last day I will pick Sophie up from school and transport her to her job at Kumon. It is one of many “lasts” and I am trying my best to savor all of them. Instead of rushing through- which I have been guilty of in the past- I am being mindful. And I know from sad experience that I will feel I have not been mindful enough- but I am doing my best. Photos, journaling, keeping the little notes we write to each other. Making an extra effort to give a hug or go swimming with Sophie. I know I will appreciate these things in a month.
Plan some near-term distractions
I think planning some distractions are going to be key. And maybe a few surprises! I’ve been keeping my eye out for things we can do to fill some afternoons and evenings over the next few months…
- Tennis! Although Kate is really the tennis player in the family, Dear Husband and I are going to plan some regular tennis dates. And maybe lunch or dinner afterwards…
- Travel. We’ve got a big summer trip planned. And we’re discussing our longer term travel schedule. The good news is that we aren’t constrained by the school schedule any longer.
- Day trips. We do a fair amount of hiking, so we’ll likely do more of that. And there are always lots of new events and activities in the Bay Area. Don’t tell Dear Husband, but we’ll be making a trip here soon!
Rethink your kid-centered routines
Anyone who is a parent knows the rhythm of the year, the week, the days intimately well. Well, that is all going away. And while I will miss some of the fun ones (the first day of school! the Halloween parade!) I am going to appreciate NOT being part of some of the others.
So while I will miss that first day of school, I won’t miss the traffic near school or the carpool line. Or the endless school fundraising (although apparently that doesn’t end with high school!)
Build a new relationship with your child
This part is the most fun. This is a chance to make sure that we stay close as a family, no matter where Sophie may be. Technology makes it so much easier to stay in touch, but don’t just rely on texts and emails. As you are becoming an empty nester, here are a few ways to ease into the next phase of your relationship with your child:
- Write them letters and postcards (you know how much I love this suggestion!), send them photos and stories from your day and home
- Be thoughtful and deliberate about the time you do have together- schedule activities, travel, and other fun ways to connect and get reacquainted
- Don’t be judgey! Listen and watch your child maturing and growing
- Make your home into a refuge for them- a place where they are taken care of, fed, pampered
It’s not going to be easy becoming an empty nester. But it’s the next phase of life. And I am so excited to see what happens next for Sophie- this time from afar.
